Sexy ladies man Don Jon (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) values only a few things in life: his body, his pad, his ride, his family, his church, his boys, his girls, and his p0rn. In fact, he prefers the stuff to actual physical intimacy with a woman and it has clouded his ability to have a normal relationship. When he meets Barbara (Scarlett Johansson) at the club one night, he uses his tried and true tricks to get with her, but to no avail. He falls for her, and fast, and they begin dating. He quickly realizes that their relationship is not what it seems. Coaxed into taking a business class by Barbara, Don meets Esther (Julianne Moore), who helps him discover the realities of life, love, and happiness.
A noble directorial debut by Joseph Gordon-Levitt! "Don Jon" gives a very frank and graphic depiction of dirty movie addiction, but is also just a character sketch about a man coming to understand not only himself, but love a little bit better, too. This movie was pretty funny most of the time, but had its moments of seriousness. Gordon-Levitt does a fabulous job being "bro" and title character Don Jon, and it's clear that he is a natural ladies man on-screen. This is another movie where the trailer doesn't necessarily portray exactly how this movie will go down (no pun intended). It might have been portrayed as more of a mainstream romantic dramadey, which we think was done on purpose to get people into theaters to see this film. It's very much a more independent, art-house style film. It has a HARD (no pun intended)-R rating for nudity, obviously, and a lot of cursing, so don't watch this movie with your parents...or siblings...okay, don't watch this movie with your family in general. Overall, decent, not our favorite movie of the year, but good, nonetheless.
My Rating: 6.5/10 BigJ's Rating: 6/10 IMDB's Rating: 7.3/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 83% Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?
Movie: "Martin" Director: George A. Romero Year: 1976 Rating: R Running Time: 1 hour, 35 minutes
Martin (John Amplas) believes he is a vampire, but not your typical vampire with fangs that hates garlic and burns in the sun. He just likes to drink the blood of others. He does so by drugging them and slicing open a vein to drink his victim's blood. His cousin Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) believes Martin is a legitimate Nosferatu, including all the mystical, magical parts of being a vampire, and wants to cleanse Martin's soul before destroying him.
This is a rather interesting movie about a young man who is really a mentally disturbed serial killer. Despite being a killer who drinks their blood, he's almost sort of sympathetic. It's definitely a unique take on the idea of a vampire. One big drawback of the film is its pacing: it's pretty darn slow-moving and has that horror element running throughout, but it really is a drama at its core. Pretty decent, but nothing we'd watch again.
My Rating: 6/10 BigJ's Rating: 6.5/10 IMDB's Rating: 7.0/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 96% Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?
Movie: "Black Sunday" Director: Mario Bava Year: 1960 Rating: UR Running Time: 1 hour, 27 minutes
A witch and her servant are executed and buried for dealing with the devil. Two centuries later, a pair of doctors come across her tomb and accidentally break the cross that was keeping her soul from re-rising from the grave. She resurrects her servant from the grave and entrusts him to find her a host to re-inhabit so she can live again.
This is a kind of cool black and white Italian horror flick. It's pretty tame by today's standards, but for its time, was probably pretty gory or risque. There's a scene at the beginning in which a demon mask (the Italian title of the film) full of spikes is hammered onto the witches face...that scene is pretty awesome and memorable. Other than that, it's a cross between a vampire/witch hunt/Satan worshiper movie where the witch can turn victims into servants of hers through biting them. Barbara Steele does double-duty as the witch and the princess, who the witch wants to possess. It does run slow at some points but has a good sort of classic feel to it. I was pretty bored, but BigJ enjoyed it overall.
My Rating: 5.5/10 BigJ's Rating: 6.5/10 IMDB's Rating: 7.3/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 83% Do we recommend this movie: I say meh, BigJ says sure, why not?
Movie: "A Nightmare on Elm Street" Director: Wes Craven Year: 1984 Rating: R Running Time: 1 hour, 31 minutes
The kids of Elm Street are tormented in their dreams by Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund), a child murderer who was burned to death by local townspeople. He stalks the kids down and murders them in their nightmares, but when he does so, they die in real life, leaving the kids of Elm Street knowing that every single time they fall asleep, it could be their last.
"One...two...Freddy's coming for you..."
Another classic, wonderful Halloween horror movie! My appreciation for this movie skyrockets each time we watch it. Freddy Krueger has become one of the most if not THE most iconic horror villain of all time. It has the same type of generic plot as most horror slashers do, and yet it is completely unique in its execution. The way he handles his victims is different than many slasher films because the kill isn't quick. Freddy likes to taunt, torment, and torture his victims through many different dreams before finally offing them in many different, creative, and bloody ways. There is a lot of humor to Freddy that is not common among other horror villains, which makes "A Nightmare on Elm Street" more unique. There's something so geniunely terrifying about the prospect of being haunted and taunted in your dreams...to me, this movie is completely frightening because, eventually, we all have to sleep. The only part we don't particularly like is the final showdown between Freddy and Nancy (Heather Lagenkamp). It's sort of anticlimactic, and the build-up to that point is so big that that it makes the ending suffer...but we can overlook this.
Overall, a fantastic addition to any Halloween marathon!
And Johnny Depp's 80's haircut is spectacular.
My Rating: 9/10 BigJ's Rating: 9/10 IMDB's Rating: 7.4/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 95% Do we recommend this movie: ABSOLUTELY YES!!!
Movie: "Twixt" Director: Francis Ford Coppola Year: 2011 Rating: R Running Time: 1 hour, 28 minutes Horror novelist Hall Baltimore (Val Kilmer) goes to a small town for an autograph signing. There is something very strange about the town, mainly the fact that the town's clock tower has seven faces, none of which show the same time. He meets the towns sheriff LaGrange (Bruce Dern), who is a fan of his, and has an idea for a novel based on vampires. Desperate for a new book and money, Hall takes the sheriff up on his offer to write his story. Hall begins seeing a mysterious vampire named V (Elle Fanning) in his dreams and must piece together what's going on.
Francis Ford Coppola, what U doin'????????
This movie resembles a David Lynch film, not to a Coppola one. The plot makes no sense and really doesn't have any direction. It jumps all over the place between "dream sequences" (at least we think they were dream sequences...). Despite the plot not making any sense, the end of the movie seemed predictable.
It looks like Coppola was trying to be artistic or experimental, and for us, it was a failure. He only makes movies that please himself now, so he has every right to try experimental pieces, but we probably won't go looking for them if they are anything like this weird ass movie. We hate to use the term "washed up" for the director of one of our all-time favorite movies ever made, but this was just bad. Really bad.
PS: The years have not been well to Val Kilmer. Hold off on the hair-slick, baby boy, you can thank us later.
My Rating: 3/10 BigJ's Rating: 3/10 IMDB's Rating: 4.9/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 31% Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!
Movie: "Saw" Director: James Wan Year: 2004 Rating: R (possibly NC-17) Running Time: 1 hour, 43 minutes
After waking up in a dark room chained to the walls, Dr. Lawrence Gordon (Carey Elwes) and Adam Faulkner-Stanheight (Leigh Whannell) have no idea what they are doing there or how they got there. A short time passes, and after some searching, they find some cassette tapes. The tapes contain messages for each of the men letting them know what they have to do in order to get out of their situation. These tapes are "the rules" of "the game." The rules are simple: Gordon must kill Adam in order to save himself and the lives of his wife and daughter, and Adam must stay alive and may have to kill Gordon in order to do it.
This movie is fan-freaking-tastic.
You never expect it to end the way it does.
It's an exceptionally gritty crime/thriller/horror movie, and it is genuinely scary because IT IS entirely possible to end up in a room fighting for your life at the hands of a crazy person.
Jigsaw as a character seems to see himself on a moral high-ground, and the actions of putting his victims in their respective situations, playing these games, is somehow doing THE VICTIM a favor so they value their lives more.
It's pretty genius the way this movie plays out, the way it makes you feel and look inside yourself to question if you would go to the lengths Jigsaw's victims do.
It is graphic, but not nearly as graphic as some of its sequels (which are much less amazing).
We like the fact that this movie doesn't boast a huge cast of huge stars, I think that would have taken away some of its "oomph." Then again, this is typical of James Wan, to not use the biggest named stars in Hollywood.
Don't watch this before bed, if you value your sleep. It's one that will keep you up for a night or two because you can't get over how good it is.
PS: This movie has a bitchin' score!
My Rating: 9/10 BigJ's Rating: 10/10 IMDB's Rating: 7.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 48% Do we recommend this movie: ABSOLUTELY YES!!!
Formula One racing drivers Niki Lauda (Daniel Bruhl) and James Hunt (Chris Hemsworth) have a fierce rivalry, one that has gone on for many races across many years. Hunt is a wild, risk-taking party guy, the kind of person everyone likes. Lauda keeps to himself, is reserved, and is a stand-offish jerk. They are always trying to one-up each other on the track. During a rainy race at the dangerous Italian Grand Prix track in 1976, Lauda is severely burned across his face and body, and yet 6 weeks later, dons his racing helmet once more to finish his rivalry with Hunt once and for all.
Ron Howard is the man.
Chris Hemsworth is a god amongst men.
This is an extremely accurate portrayal of the true story of Lauda and Hunt. Daniel Bruhl's performance was exceptional, as always. Chris Hemsworth is just so damn attractive...I mean, he does a fine job as well. Ron Howard did an amazing job keeping the shots in this film realistic, and the movie as a whole was not over-sensationalized or over-dramatized, as is typical Hollywood fashion. Lauda's famous crash was even shot on-location and Howard matched it perfectly shot-for-shot based on the stock footage of the crash, which is later rolled in the background as Hunt turns to watch it on TV.
It's a passionate film all around, from the actors to their real-life counterparts, from the director to the screenwriters...you can tell they didn't want to mess this up or alter the true story. They took time and care to make this as accurate as possible. It is an interesting and compelling story of two men who take very different approaches to life and their work. It's a rivalry between two men that seems to overflow with animosity, but also two men who eventually have huge respect for one another.
Overall, masterfully crafted and beautifully shot. Another fantastic work for Ron Howard, and a definite watch, even for non-race fans!
My Rating: 8/10 BigJ's Rating: 8/10 IMDB's Rating: 8.3/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 88% Do we recommend this movie: Yes!
A man named Brayker (William Sadler) is on the run from a demon masquerading as a human, called The Collector (Billy Zane ZOMG). Brayker is protecting a seal from The Collector which contains the blood of Jesus. He tries to hide in a seedy hotel in a small town with a varying cast of townspeople, who are now under the threat of a demon attack. The Collector must get his hands on the seal in order to bring about the apocalypse.
In the off chance that you're reading this, I LUV U BILLY ZANE.
In typical "Tales from the Crypt" fashion, this movie combines comedy and horror to create a fun movie experience. It's a gore-driven, enjoyable movie filled with blood-splatters, demons, popping goo, and...Jada Pinkett-Smith??? It boasts a solid cast and a pretty decent story overall. The makeup work on the demons in this movie is actually very well done, though some of the computer driven effects are mediocre. All in all, we'd catch another "Tales from the Crypt" movie if it was on based on this viewing experience alone!
My Rating: 6/10 BigJ's Rating: 7/10 IMDB's Rating: 6.5/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 32% Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?
After his crackhead mother drops him off with his grandpa Irving Zisman (Johnny Knoxville) (since she is going to jail), Billy (Jackson Nicoll) must travel from Nebraska to North Carolina so he can be reunited with his worthless, jerk of a father. Along the way, hidden cameras are used so that Irving and Billy can catch the reactions of strangers as they play pranks them. Of course, they cause a slew of shenanigans wherever they go, all while becoming closer to one another.
Our local theaters offers one showing of select new releases to be shown on Thursday nights. We were able to catch this yesterday, the day before it came out. When we got in the theater, it was already reasonably crowded, especially for A) a Thursday night, and B) our theater in general. More and more and more people kept pouring into the theater, and it was crazy crowded, but the energy was high, and people were ready to laugh.
And let us tell you: we laughed our asses off during this entire movie! Sure, the "story line" probably didn't need to be there, but it's obviously just used as an excuse to bring about golden opportunities for tomfoolery. The dirty, horny grandpa bit never seems to get old throughout this film, and the jokes and pranks just kept rolling in, leaving us smiling so much that it hurt after the movie was over. I will admit that some of the reactions of the averages Joe's featured in this movie did look a little fake, but most of them seemed real and legitimate.
"Bad Grandpa" is not going to win awards, but if you like raunchy, slapstick, disgusting, dirty humor, this movie is going to be for you. The acting is not meant to be stellar, but Knoxville seems to find a way to shine with only the help of an old man costume, and simple, unsuspecting, everyday Americans. Jackson Nicoll was adorable and brought quite a bit of comic relief himself. Overall, freaking hilarious, and we were not disappointed. if you've seen the trailer, that's only a small sampling of what this movie has to offer!!
My Rating: 8.5/10 BigJ's Rating: 8.5/10 IMDB's Rating: 7.1/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 64% Do we recommend this movie: Yes!
Movie: "Manos: The Hands of Fate" Director: Joel HodgsonHarold P. Warren Year: 1966 Rating: NR Running Time: 1 hour, 14 minutes
A couple and their young daughter get lost out in the desert while on vacation. They come across a strange and remote house and are greeted by Torgo (John Reynolds). He informs them that it is the house of the master and that they should not stay there, but their car will not start. They are stranded. Eventually, they meet up with the master, who runs a satanic cult, who is always looking to add new brides to his cult.
When you watch a movie you know is going to be bad, sometimes you get lucky with gems like "The Room," and other times you wind up with "Manos: The Hands of Fate." This movie is just BAD. There are no redeeming qualities to it whatsoever. A long boring opening features a car driving around past fields. The audio has been replaced and dubbed over by two people...every single character is voiced by two people. It's classified as a horror movie, and yet the only horror it contains is the fact that it exists. DO NOT EVER watch this movie if you value your time. And ears. And life.
My Rating: 0/10 BigJ's Rating: 0/10 IMDB's Rating: 1.8/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 0% Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!
Jack Brooks (Trevor Matthews) has anger issues. He has had them ever since he saw his entire family eaten by a monster while camping in the woods when he was a child. He now works as a plumber while going to night school on the insistence of his girlfriend Eve (Rachel Skarsten). He routinely sees a psychiatrist to try and get his rage issues under control. After Jack has helped his science professor Crowley (Robert Englund) with some plumbing work, Crowley finds a cursed heart in his backyard. The heart possesses professor Crowley, turning him into a monster.
This movie is pretty damn funny! The monsters are cool looking, and throughout the movie, all of the effects are done with FX makeup, no CGI, which is a nice change from many modern horror movies. It's very similar stylistically to "Army of Darkness," especially since it features a mouthy protagonist who delivers very good comedic lines. The majority of the story involves the origin of Jack Brooks, where he came from, who he is, and who he became. Though the words "monster slayer" are featured in the title, there is actually very little monster slaying until the end of the movie. Most of the early horror is gross-out horror, things vomiting and such, and later, the movie turns into a splatter-house comedy. Overall, wholly entertaining!
My Rating: 7/10 BigJ's Rating: 7.5/10 IMDB's Rating: 5.9/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 60% Do we recommend this movie: I say sure, why not, and BigJ says yes!
Steve Freeling (Craig T Nelson) is a real estate agent living with his wife Diane (JoBeth Williams) and their kids, Dana (Dominique Dunne), Robbie (Oliver Robins), and Carol Anne (Heather O'Rourke); they live in a home built by the real estate development company where Steve works. Out of nowhere one day, his family starts being haunted by a poltergeist. The haunting starts out harmless enough with some objects moving about on their own or lights flickering. That all changes one night when a massive storm hits and his youngest daughter Carol Anne is sucked into a vortex that presumably leads to the netherworld where the ghosts exist. After taking their daughter, the poltergeist becomes more aggressive, and the Freeling family enlists the help of Dr. Lesh (Beatrice Straight), and her team of paranormal investigators to try to figure out how to get their daughter back.
"Theeeey'rrrreee Heeeerrrreeee!!"
While most horror movies rely on blood and guts and gore, this movie deals out its horror through spooky noises, eerie imagery, and sensationalism...that, and a clown doll...a really, really creepy clown doll....Mood is extremely important in this movie, and watching it in the dark makes it a thousand times better. Heather O'Rourke's performance here is outstanding for such a young child, and it's a shame that she died so young.
(SEE, MORE KIDS BEING WEIRD AND CREEPY!) There is some comedy in this film, and some of the special effects are a bit dated, but it doesn't take away from the downright eeriness the movie as a whole. It's rated PG, but may be rated PG-13 by nowadays standards.
It's one of my favorite Halloween/horror movies. It's a haunted house movie, and yet it seems as if it's so much more. It will most certainly be lost on the youth of today because they might not even know what white noise is, or what the end of a broadcast day entails (IE: ME, I had no idea it existed), rendering parts of it ineffective, almost. It seems like there is so much need to make movies that are increasingly more gory and bloody and gross, and since this movie doesn't have very much of that, some may pass it by entirely.
We think it's a classic, and a good one to watch on Halloween day (also, safe for kids to watch, minus THAT DAMN CLOWN).
My Rating: 9/10 BigJ's Rating: 9/10 IMDB's Rating: 7.4/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 87% Do we recommend this movie: ABSOLUTELY YES!!!
Movie: "A Bay of Blood" Director: Mario Bava Year: 1971 Rating: R Running Time: 1 hour, 24 minutes
A wealthy heiress who refuses to sell her land to real estate developers is murdered by her husband. This starts a chain of murders at the bay she owns.
Before even one word of dialogue is spoken, two people are murdered. Now THAT'S my kind of movie! It is kind of a slasher grindhouse style gorefest, one of those Italian horror movies that has been re-dubbed in English. Poorly. It's sort of a mystery, but not really a "whodunit," but a "who didn't do it" since this movie has a whooooole lot of guilty people in it. The plot is pretty thin, but it suits its purpose enough to drive itself from one murder to the next. It's a low budget, bares bones horror that's not too complicated but still entertaining.
My Rating: -- BigJ's Rating: 7/10 IMDB's Rating: 6.7/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 80% Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?
Movie: "Final Destination" Director: James Wong Year: 2000 Rating: R Running Time: 1 hour, 38 minutes
While sitting on a plane that will take him and his classmates to Paris for their French class trip, Alex (Devon Sawa) sees a terrifying vision of the plane exploding and everyone aboard perishing. He freaks out and causes a scene, so he and 6 other people get off the plane. As the rest of his classmates take off, the plane DOES explode, killing everyone aboard. After some time, each of the survivors begin dying one by one, as Death hunts them down and finds a slew of various ways to kill them.
This movie really does find very interesting and crazy ways to kill off its characters. All of the death scenes are elaborate, drawn-out, chain of event and step by step deaths. A simple crack in a mug drips water all over a computer and BOOM, 4 or 5 cause and effects later, DEADNESS. I found myself screaming at some death scene since I had never seen this movie, but sometimes the deaths were comical, too. The acting might be bad, but overall, it's a pretty decent horror flick. Seriously, we don't watch horror movies for their stellar acting, anyways. The special effects used seemed good for their time. The market for "crazy ways to die" seems endless, but a new "Final Destination" movie hasn't been made since 2011, so maybe they ran out of cool ideas.
My Rating: 7/10 BigJ's Rating: 7/10 IMDB's Rating: 6.7/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 33% Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?
Movie: "Evil Dead 2" Director: Sam Raimi Year: 1987 Rating: X Running Time: 1 hour, 24 minutes
Ash (Bruce Campbell) and his girlfriend Linda (Denise Bixler) want to spend a romantic weekend at a secluded, abandoned cabin in the woods. While there, they find a tape recording from the previous resident, which contains a reading from the necronomicon ex mortis (the book of the dead). This reading releases an evil from the forest which attempts to possess people and swallow their souls.
This is the quintessential cult classic starring the greatest B-movie actor that ever lived, Bruce Campbell. It showcases both Campbell and director Sam Raimi at their finest. It's an over-the-top gorefest with geysers of blood that shoot from the walls. Sam Raimi was really trying to challenge himself with how much blood he could use in a movie. "Evil Dead 2" is full of hard-hitting eye-popping slapstick comedy. It's a true horror classic, and we'd even go as far as to call it a masterpiece! A must see!
My Rating: 9/10 BigJ's Rating: 10/10 IMDB's Rating: 7.8/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 98% Do we recommend this movie: ABSOLUTELY YES!!!
Machete Cortez returns to kill again. After the death of his girlfriend Sartana (Jessica Alba) in a gun raid gone wrong, Machete (Danny Trejo) is facing a hangman's noose. When he gets a call from President Rathcock (Carlos Estevez), Machete must travel to Acapulco to take out Mendez (Demian Bichir), the crazy cartel leader with multiple personalities who is threatening to nuke Washington DC.
This is not the worst movie we've seen, but it absolutely, positively fails to live up to the brilliance of its predecessor. "Machete Kills" has its moments of goodness, but they are few and far between. This movie seems to lose itself and all of its steam because its main focus is pushing towards a third-part to the trilogy. One of the most hilarious lines in "Machete" was "Machete don't text." The sequel takes that to the nth degree, driving it into the ground so it's no longer funny. This movie lost almost all of its charm and it's basically just a much tamer, more mainstream sequel. Even Danny Trejo seemed to be not as "in it" as he was in the first movie. Demian Bichir and Mel Gibson were, by far, my favorite parts of the movie. In fact, there's nothing wrong with the acting as a whole, it's the story that suffers here. We're not sure what Robert Rodriguez was trying to accomplish with this movie, but you can be that Tarantino has had words with him about it.
Movie: "Return of the Living Dead" Director: Dan O'Bannon Year: 1985 Rating: R Running Time: 1 hour, 31 minutes
A young punker named Freddy (Thom Matthews) takes a job at a medical supply company. During his training his supervisor, Frank (James Karen) shows his some canisters that were delivered to their warehouse by mistake. These canisters contain bodies from a top secret military experiment to reanimate dead tissue. While messing around with the containers, they accidentally crack one open and release a toxic gas into the air, causing the dead come back to life to feed on the brains of the living.
This film is kind of a satire of the old "Night of The Living Dead" type zombie movies, except they throw in a little twist: the zombies in this film aren't slow and stupid, they are fast, and smart, and worse yet, a head shot doesn't bring them down. These zombies are relatively indestructible, short of chopping them to bits and burning them to ash. There is a lot of comedy in this film, like zombies with stumps for legs trying to run down a potential victim, or Freddie and Frank trying to deal with the naked cadaver that is suddenly running around their warehouse. This comedy is combined with some graphic brain falling from the skull gore. This film has become a cult classic over the years and one we like to watch when Halloween rolls around.
My Rating: 7/10 BigJ's Rating: 10/10 IMDB's Rating: 7.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 90% Do we recommend this movie: ABSOLUTELY YES!!!
A shy, reclusive high school girl named Carrie (Chloe Grace Moretz) leads a sheltered life, mainly at the hands of her religious zealot mother (Julianne Moore). She is relentlessly tormented by the other girls at her school. After she is finally teased too far and too much, Carrie unleashes her telekinetic powers during her senior prom, and nothing will ever be the same in her small town.
Let it be known that we do not see the point in a remake of this movie. Brian De Palma did a fantastic job on his own.
DON'T FIX WHAT AIN'T BROKEN.
The original still holds up today, so why tinker with it?
Does this movie work? Is it good?
NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.
Anyone involved with this movie should be ashamed of themselves.
Even if we hadn't just watched the original, there are elements added to the remake that don't make any sense whatsoever and made us downright MAD.
Chloe Grace Moretz IS NOT, we repeat, IS NOT SISSY SPACEK. She is completely miscast in this film. Sissy Spacek was a dowdy, plain Jane type of person who only needed to use her wide-eyed creeptastic gaze to convey her emotions. Chloe Grace Moretz is far too popular for this movie. She does not encapsulate the role of Carrie at all. Even when filmmakers tried to "dowdy" her down, it didn't work. As we said in the review for "Kick-Ass 2," SHE NEEDS TO SHUT HER GODFORSAKEN MOUTH when she's asking. She spends too much time biting her lip, opening her mouth when it's not necessary, and making weird facial expressions that are goofy, not scary. Julianne Moore, while fabulous in general, has taken the character of Margaret, an overbearing and overprotective Bible-beating mother and turned her into an absolutely batshit crazy self-mutilating psychopath who is a social recluse. Again, was adding the element of self-mutilation necessary?
-SIDEBAR-
Was this in the book and something we missed the first time around? We don't think so, so why even include it in the first place??? We get the need for Kimberly Peirce to distance herself as a director from the original movie, but why do so with completely unnecessary plot points like this??? We get it, added scenes and distancing, but THESE ADDITIONS DO NOT NEED TO BE THERE. AT ALL.
Another problem with the new plot is that Peirce has taken many characters and turned them on their heads to where they actually lose their original impact. Chris' boyfriend Billy Nolan (Alex Russell) is changed from a bumbling drunk goof-off being manipulated by his girlfriend, to a strong driving force of the attack on Carrie, as well as a complete criminal and possible murderer. By changing Billy Nolan as a character, this movie changes Chris as a character, too, making her the manipulatED rather than the manipulatOR.
The tension from the original movie is completely gone, finito, nada, nothing there. It is replaced by a bunch of CGI objects being moved about the screen while Moretz stands on stage looking constipated while waving her hands in the air. The final climactic scene, well, about the last 25 minutes of the movie are a complete let-down because the details are changed so much that the ending becomes ineffective. Carrie almost seem vengeful in the remake, picking and choosing which victims to kill and how, instead of being nondiscriminatory with her telekinesis.
We know Moretz and Moore are capable of better. Director Kimberly Peirce had a lot going against her since the original "Carrie" is such a classic; even though it's outdated, its effectiveness is not. It seems too similar to the original movie to say it's a more faithful adaptation of the book. Maybe we just need to read it and see the differences for ourselves and reevaluate from there, but a lot of the additions to the remake that we have problems with come from modernizations, which would definitely not be in the book. Basing it off of the original movie, this is not a remake, it's a retelling.
We're still bitter, though.
Just watch this coffee shop prank/promotional video for the remake of "Carrie." You'll be better off, and richer since you didn't waste your money on this trainwreck.
PS: if you still think this movie is closer to the book, www.thatwasnotinthebook.com. We'll wait for our "thank you."
My Rating: 2/10 BigJ's Rating: 2/10 IMDB's Rating: 6.5/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 50% Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!
Movie: "Machete" Director: Robert Rodriguez Year: 2010 Rating: R Running Time: 1 hour, 47 minutes
After having seen his family be killed by Rogelio Torrez (Steven Seagal), former federale Machete Cortez (Danny Trejo) hides out in America working as a day laborer. He is hired by Michael Booth (Jeff Fahey) to assassinate Senator John McLaughlin (Robert De Niro), who is running for re-election and holds a strong stance against immigration. After being double-crossed by Booth, Machete is out for blood and to find out who is behind everything with the help of Luz (Michelle "I play the same role in everything I'm in" Rodriguez) and Officer Sartana (Jessica Alba).
"He's the CIA, FBI, and DEA rolled into one mean burrito."
"Machete" is a fantastic homage to exploitation cinema. It has everything you would come to expect from a B-movie of the late 70's, from the over-the-top violence to its racist antics. Danny Trejo is really at his finest as Machete, you can tell he lives for roles like this. It has an all-star cast like Robert De Niro and Steven Seagal (see what we did there???). The film really does look like an old-school 70's film reel, complete with scratch marks and everything. If you can stand lots of gore, lots of racism, and a lot of laughs, this is your movie. Fun, funny, and outrageous!
My Rating: 7.5/10 BigJ's Rating: 8.5/10 IMDB's Rating: 6.7/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 73% Do we recommend this movie: Yes!
A perpetual playboy named Valentin (Eugenio Derbez) lives in Acapulco without a care in the world, sleeping in all the time, and sleeping with any and as many women as he can. When former lover Julie (Jessica Lindsey) shows up at his doorstep with his 10-month old daughter, then disappears after going to pay the cab, Valentin is left to care for the girl. After acquiring a job as a stunt man in Hollywood, he turns from playboy to father-of-the-year, doing everything he can to make life for his now 7-year old daughter Maggie (Loreto Peralta) fun and worthwhile. Julie shows back up again, wanting to rekindle her relationship with her daughter, while simultaneously threatening to bring Valentin's world crashing all around him.
We absolutely loved this film. The thing about foreign movies in theaters here in America is that we tend to get the best of the best from different countries. If it gets a wide release, chances are, it's golden. Movies like this are the reason we go to the theater: this film is a hidden gem, a movie you heard about, still didn't really want to watch and found a way to love every minute of it because it was just that good.
The movie opens with lots of silly comedy and segways into a sappy tearjerker (yes, we BOTH cried). The type of emotion this movie is able to convey is one you didn't see coming, and it's cathartic for audiences to watch...at least it was for us. Who knows, maybe we just saw this at the right place and the right time, but it definitely made small waterfalls come out of my eye holes. Let it take all of your money, you won't even care once it's over.
"Instructions Not Included" has managed to make millions of dollars in America, without a lot of marketing, and it definitely deserves all the recognition it's being given. Critics who don't like this movie basically have no soul and/or have never known what it's like to truly love someone, whether it be a spouse/partner or a child.
My Rating: 10/10 BigJ's Rating: 10/10 IMDB's Rating: 6.9/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 53% Do we recommend this movie: ABSOLUTELY YES!!!
A family rents a plantation-style mansion for $900 for the entire summer with only one catch: they have to take care of the 85 year old owner's mother, who never leaves her room and is rarely ever seen. It seems too good to be true. Several weird occurrences take place, and the house beings to have an impact on each member of the family.
This movie was just okay. Burgess Meredith was poorly underused, and Better Davis seemed to be a shell of her former fabulous self. The scene in the pool between the father and the son was cool, and probably the best scene in the movie as a whole. The movie drudged along, developing slowly to a final climactic scene that was wholly underwhelming and very obvious.The concept of this movie could have been played out in a better fashion; to have everyone in the house age slowly over time could have been utilized differently and could have been done better. I think that this movie should be re-categorized solely as a mystery because there's very little horror and hardly any horrific scenes at all. Overall, it had potential, but was just rather boring.
My Rating: 5.5/10 BigJ's Rating: 5/10 IMDB's Rating: 6.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 38% Do we recommend this movie: Meh.
Movie: "Pieces" Director: Juan Piquer Simon Year: 1982 Rating: UR Running Time: 1 hour, 29 minutes
A young boy hacks up his mother after she tales away his dirty puzzles. 40 years later, he comes to a college campus and starts murdering random co-eds, taking a body part from each victim in order to make a real human puzzle.
This is a legit grindhouse, complete with the famous grindhouse introduction before the film. This is an exploitation full of nudity, over-the-top gore, girls getting chopped up by chainsaws, and an unknown "whodunit" killer. It's pretty short, but it's well paced with its murders. It's badly looped, but the dialogue is atrociously hilarious, and the gore is pretty cool. Everything in this movie, to be honest, is bad: bad camera work, bad sound, bad acting, bad lighting, and yet it's still fun to watch. Definitely a "must view" for grindhouse fans!
My Rating: 6/10 BigJ's Rating: 7/10 IMDB's Rating: 5.7/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 22% Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?
Movie: "The Convent" Director: Mike Mendez Year: 2000 Rating: R Running Time: 1 hour, 19 minutes
A group of frat boys, sorority girls, and a goth girl/ex-friend of one of the sorority sisters decide to check out their towns old burned down and abandoned convent. This convent was the site of a mass-murder of nuns and priests by one of the students who attended school there. Unbeknownst to the kids, because of the tragedy, the local satanists have made it their favorite place for them to preform their rituals. Goth girl Mo (Megahn Perry) is taken by the satanists and used in a sacrifice to try and summon the forces of darkness.
"The Convent" is a wonderfully stupid and silly B-movie. It's full of blood-splattering gore and silly comedy. Any movie with Coolio is going to be a good movie, wait, scratch that: any movie where Coolio plays a cop and maintains his Coolio hair is bound to be a good movie. The script is pretty bad, the dialogue is outrageous, and the acting is terrible and overdone, but that makes it hilarious and fun to watch. It definitely felt like a late 80's-early 90's type of movie, even though it was made in 2000.
It's a good film for fans of low budget horror comedies and/or B-movies in general.
My Rating: 6/10 BigJ's Rating: 6/10 IMDB's Rating: 4.9/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 54% Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?
Eva (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) is a massage therapist and Albert (James Gandolfini) works at a TV library. They are both middle-aged divorcees with daughters about to go out-of-state to start college. Neither of them are on very good terms with their ex's. After meeting at a party, they begin to date one another. Eva also happens to meet a potentially new client at the party named Marianne (Catherine Keener), a modern poet and, as it turns out, is Albert's ex-wife. Eva begins massaging Marianne while simultaneously dating Albert, but doesn't reveal that she knows they are ex's. The two begin to get serious, but Marianne is in Eva's head, poisoning her about Albert and explaining why their marriage didn't work.
From the moment this movie began, I was in tears.
For some reason, the death of James Gandolfini really, really got to me.
I don't know why and I can't explain it.
And no, I didn't like this movie just because James Gandolfini died.
Let me just say: I think he shines in this movie. He was the perfect choice as Albert, a divorcee who happens to find love at a random party. He's flawed as a character: he is a "slob," he is overweight, he's missing a tooth, his ex-wife complains about everything he ever did while they were married, but he makes Eva laugh, and he treats her well, and they carry on as though they not just lovers, but as if they are friends...he's imperfectly perfect.
This movie was your typical middle aged romantic comedy, trying to find love after getting a divorce/having kids...but for some reason, Dreyfus and Gandolfini just worked together. Their chemistry on-screen worked extremely well, and you actually believe they could be with one another in real life. All of the main players in this movie did a wonderful job. The kids were bratty and annoying, but they were a footnote in an otherwise great rom-com.
As a personal note, Gandolfini's portrayal as Albert reminded me of BigJ, in the nicest way possible. Actually, he was reminded of himself during the movie, too, except "with more hair on his head and less hair on his chest." Sure, we might get on each other's nerves sometime, but he's my imperfectly perfect person. That's the thing about love: you never know where you're going to find it, or if you're right for each other, but for some reason, he and I work together, and I love him with all my heart.
This was the perfect final role for James Gandolfini, and a fantastic send-off into the Hollywood heavens. He will be missed.
My Rating: 8/10 BigJ's Rating: 6.5/10 IMDB's Rating: 7.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 95% Do we recommend this movie: I (enthusiastically) say yes, BigJ says sure, why not?
Medical engineer Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock) and veteran astronaut Mike Kowalski (George Clooney) are the two remaining survivors of a shuttle crew sent to service and install new technology on the Hubble telescope. Their shuttle was destroyed after a Russian anti-satellite test gone bad, causing a negative chain reaction, sending shrapnel of space debris everywhere. Trapped floating in the dead of space without their ride, they must find a way to get back to earth, or die trying.
Visually, this movie is magnificent. It really is a technical achievement as far as film making goes, and we would not be surprised to see it garnering several technical nods in the upcoming award season. We may have lost a little bit of its awesomeness by not seeing it in 3D, but oh well. Even in 2D, we felt transported to the depths of space, as if we were floating alongside Bullock and Clooney, clinging to our lives by, literally, a thread. Brilliant directing and cinematography work here.
As far as the story goes, while it isn't a remake or a sequel, it is original, but there's not much there. Two people stranded in space trying to survive is a very generic plot. If something goes wrong in space, and you survive, obviously you're trying to stay alive and try and return to Earth safely. This is just one of those movies where everything that can go wrong DOES go wrong. There's a lot of bad that happens to these two astronauts, but a lot of good luck happens, too. It's one situation after another of malfunctions and things going haywire and the characters having to overcome them.
That being said, it was really good and far exceeded our expectations. From the first trailer for this movie, we expected something much different. You won't be bored watching this movie: it is extremely well-paced and action-packed. I even found myself gasping here and there at certain parts throughout the movie. There is a lot of tension to go along with the action, and it's definitely a movie to watch on the big screen.
My Rating: 7.5/10 BigJ's Rating: 7.5/10 IMDB's Rating: 8.8/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 97% Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?
Movie: "The Changeling" Director: Peter Medak Year: 1980 Rating: R Running Time: 1 hour, 47 minutes
After his wife and daughter are killed in an automobile accident, composer John Russell (George C. Scott) gets a job lecturing at a university and moves into a home owned by the local historical preservation society. Almost immediately, strange things begin happening. It appears as if a ghost is trying to communicate with John, and he takes it upon himself to solve the mystery of what the ghost wants and what happened to it in its former life on earth.
The cast does a find job acting here, but as a whole, the movie is poorly paced and very slow moving. It takes a while for the movie to get moving and unveil if anything really happens. It's another supernatural ghost mystery of a haunted house that offers the typical haunted house fare of spooky noises, knobs being turned randomly, water being turn on, doors slamming, you know the drill. The ending is pretty good, but it takes so long to get there that you're not really interested by the time the film has ended.
Lots of people find this movie chilling and shocking, but we found it to be typical and a bit dull. There are a few creepy parts, but not enough to be considered a classic. Also, the scenery in this movie is gorgeous, and it is shot remarkably well. Overall, it's just okay, but maybe we will watch it again in the future to compare.
My Rating: 6/10 BigJ's Rating: 6/10 IMDB's Rating: 7.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 79% Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?
Movie: "Halloween" Director: John Carpenter Year: 1978 Rating: R Running Time: 1 hour, 31 minutes
A young boy named Michael Myers murders his sister on Halloween night. After doing so, he is locked up in a mental institution. 15 years later, he breaks free to return to his hometown of Haddonfield on Halloween to kill again.
This is probably the original great slasher film in cinema. There's something so ridiculously scary about a man in a mask standing in broad daylight staring at you through windows or lurking in the shadows...who thought William Shatner would be so scary?
The soundtrack is so unnerving and perfect that just hearing the theme song to "Halloween" can send chills up and down your spine. It's probably the most necessary component of this film aside from Michael Myers himself: it drives the movie to be the creepy, scary, tension-filled movie that it is. Jamie Lee Curtis is great as Laurie Strode, and this movie began her reign as the "Scream Queen," and boy, can she scream!
For "Halloween" having such a low budget, it sure remains one of the best Halloween horror movies of all times. It is a must watch movie and is classic for any October marathon.
My Rating: 10/10 BigJ's Rating: 10/10 IMDB's Rating: 7.9/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 94% Do we recommend this movie: ABSOLUTELY YES!!!
Movie: "Evilspeak" Director: Eric Weston Year: 1981 Rating: R Running Time: 1 hour, 29 minutes
A tormented military cadet named Stanley Coopersmith (Clint Howard) discovers a satanic book in a hidden part of the school's basement. He uses the book to summon the forces of darkness to help him take revenge on his tormentors.
How many movies does Clint Howard actually star in, anyway?
Again, we have another horror film where the person who uses their powers is a sympathetic character like Carrie. Clint Howard plays a dorky kid who is bullied over and over and is finally pushed too far. The real villains are the bullies. There are a lot of gory scenes of people getting decapitated, heads being turned around entirely, man-eating pigs, among other things. The movie doesn't convey much mood or tension but still manages to be sort of fun to watch. The whole thing culminates in a final scene, much like Carrie, that is so outrageous and over-the-top that it's probably worth sitting through the entire film to see.
Richard Phillips (Tom Hanks) is the captain of an unarmed cargo freighter, the Maersk Alabama, which ships goods around the horn of Africa. Muse (Barkhad Abdi) is a fisherman forced into piracy by a local warlord. While Phillips and his crew are traveling through international waters off the coast of Somalia, they are attacked by Muse and his group of 3 fellow pirates who overtake the ship and eventually kidnap Phillips to hold for ransom.
WOW.
The only word we can think of to describe this film is gripping. To be honest, we didn't really remember how the situation with Captain Phillips and the Somalian pirates played out in real life. This was only a few short years ago, but how quickly we forget.
Regardless, we were on the edge of our seats watching it being played out on the big screen. Tom Hanks was marvelous, as always, but the true show-stealer was Barkhad Abdi. You truly feel for his character, who at one point proudly exclaims that he has hijacked a $6 million Greek ship in the past; it's obvious that he still lives in a rundown dirt-floored home in Somalia with no bed and no riches. This movie really makes viewers sympathize with not only the kidnapped Captain Phillips, but with the pirates as well. We understand their role as villains and though we don't ever root for them, we know that they are also victims in some way.
You know, it's actors like Tom Hanks that keep us interested and excited to watch movies each and every week. You really believe him as the characters he plays, and you feel like he has the best intentions at heart for every role. He is so, so good. He is captivating to watch in this, well, in each and every movie, really.
This will be one of the best movies of the year and we won't be surprised if it garner multiple Oscar nominations.
My Rating: 9/10 BigJ's Rating: 9/10 IMDB's Rating: 7.3/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 94% Do we recommend this movie: ABSOLUTELY YES!!!
Movie: "It" Director: Tommy Lee Wallace Year: 1990 Rating: NR Running Time: 3 hours, 10 minutes
A supernatural beast who manifests itself as the clown Pennywise (Tim Curry) begins terrorizing seven young kids and the town of Derry. "The Loser Club," a group of oddball kids, take it upon themselves to try and rid the town of It. They make a promise that if It ever returns to Derry, they will reunite to battle It again.
May it first be noted that Tim Curry is a god amongst men and is a flawless human being.
Second, may it be noted that Lolo hates clowns and that is why she has resisted this movie for so long.
This was a TV mini series, originally, so it was broken up into two parts; therefore, it's 3 hours and 10 minutes long. And it feels long, too. Not poorly paced, just long. Knowing it's made-for-TV, you're not going to see a lot of gruesome on-screen death at all. Most of the blood will come from balloons that pop and splatter it everywhere, or from sink drains, or on photos that are covered in it...all as tormenting jokes towards the kids from Pennywise.
As you can see in the picture above, Pennywise is terrifying. Why does it have to be a clown? Why does it have to have teeth, pointy teeth? The makeup? WHY??? Pennywise is so terrifying, in fact, that his final form becomes a huge let-down. Overall, this is a pretty enjoyable, quite scary horror flick!
My Rating: 6.5/10 as a whole, 10/10 for Pennywise as a horror character himself. BigJ's Rating: 7.5/10 IMDB's Rating: 6.8/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 68% Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?
Movie: "Carrie" Director: Brian De Palma Year: 1976 Rating: R Running Time: 1 hour, 38 minutes
Carrie White (Sissy Spacek) is a sheltered teenage girl raised by a crazy religious zealot for a mother. She is relentlessly tormented by the popular girls at school. Carrie begins to discover she has telekinetic powers, first in smalls bursts of emotion or small bouts of anger of fear. These emotions give her the ability to make things explode or move. As she studies the phenomenon, she learns to move objects at will. During prom, she is the subject of a horrible prank and is pushed past her breaking point.
Sissy Spacek has the perfect face for horror movies (in the nicest way possible). Her facial expressions are so great throughout this movie, especially in the scenes at the end in the school gymnasium. With just her eyes wide open on her blood-covered face, you get a true sense of terror, fear, embarrassment, and sheer anger and rage all with one look.
"Carrie" works through building tension to an ultimate payoff. Most of the early horror in the film comes from the cruelty of the popular girls and through the crazy actions of her fundamentalist mother. You really want to slap each and every asshat character in this film. Though Carrie is the character with supernatural powers who is ultimately driven crazy, it is Chris (Nancy Allen) who is the true monster of the film.
It's interesting to note interactions between the gym teacher, Miss Collins (Betty Buckley), and the female students in this movie. Today, if a teacher slapped, restrained, shoved a student against a wall, or cursed at a student, they would more than likely have disciplinary action/s taken against them, or possibly even be fired. It's crazy to see these differences played out on screen showcasing what teachers could get away with then versus now. It's ever weirder to see teachers and administrators smoking inside the school.
My Rating: 10/10 BigJ's Rating: 10/10 IMDB's Rating: 7.4/10 Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 92% Do we recommend this movie: ABSOLUTELY YES!!!
